Amanda's WHY

 

    

It is hard to put into words and summarize the reason WHY I am called to adopt because there are so many facets to my story that have led me to this specific point in time. To be honest, for the first time in my life I can truly see how God has perfected his puzzle pieces and put them together to create my journey. The puzzle pieces may have been twisted, turned around, broken, and remade- but I would not give any of them back. The closing of doors and NOs that I have received sometimes speak louder, but have been all been a part of God’s plan for me.

I have always been extremely driven to pursue my passion. For me, this began with my passion for the medical field. I began as a biology major at Florida State University, young, naïve, and steadfast in my journey to become the next Meredith Grey (from Grey’s Anatomy). However, this did not happen without a struggle. I became sick with mono in high school and it caused some significant immune dysfunction and I was constantly sick. During this process, I also lost about half of my hair, was not able to attend normal high school events, and consequently lost my self-esteem. Starting my new journey away from family was a challenge for me. I was roommates with a friend from high school who attended a leadership program at FSU, where she met Rob. During our second week in school, she introduced the two of us- and immediately a puzzle piece fell into place. Rob lit a fire in me. He provided me with unwavering motivation, encouragement, and love.

Half way through college, I met an amazing nurse practitioner while working in the local ED. She showed me how to communicate with patients like no one else I had ever seen. Trust me, I had seen SO many doctors in my life- but there was something about her that was just different. She showed me how to be empathetic, meet patients and their families where they were at, and to never stop questioning things until an answer was found. I decided to change my career path and mold it into becoming a nurse. I applied to over 25 elite nursing programs throughout the country. Rob and I had been engaged for about a month, we were a week away from graduating from FSU, and we had NO idea where we were moving to or what we were doing. Rob was in the process for the Secret Service to transition his current college position in law enforcement to a sworn federal law enforcement job. I received a phone call the week of graduation offering me one of ten positions to attend Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, MD. The program would combine a second bachelor’s degree (nursing) with a master’s degree in nursing (to become a nurse practitioner)- and just like that another puzzle piece was set in place.

We did not have very much money, knew we were going to have continued loans for school, and were graciously able to move to Baltimore with the help of my grandparents. We lived in their basement for about a year. We were newly married, we did not know anyone in the area, Rob did not have a job, and we were paying a pretty penny for Johns Hopkins...it was a challenge for us. After 2 months in Baltimore, Rob received a job requiring him to leave for federal law enforcement training for 5 months. What a fun way to start a marriage…but it was all worth it! I finished my first degree at Johns Hopkins, Rob transitioned to federal law enforcement protection work and was traveling frequently, and I began my job in the NICU (neonatal ICU) at Johns Hopkins. We decided it would be best for us financially if I took a sabbatical from my master’s program and worked full time in order to pay off our loans. We took every penny from my nursing paycheck and put it towards my loans.

Working in the NICU at Hopkins was an incredible experience- there were absolutely heartbreaking moments, but there were also moments where miracles would happen right in front of me. I learned more about my emotional capability during this time in my life than ever before. I watched families rejoice over the miracles and grieve during tremendous loss. During my time in the NICU, I discovered my passion to adopt. I was humbled by the gift of taking care of babies who did not have a family or whom were placed in unfortunate circumstances that led them to be adopted. I vividly remember having a conversation with Rob about a baby that I took care of for the first 8 months of his life. He was without a home and was given to state custody due to a challenging situation of abuse. We both knew that it was not the right time for us, but prayed that in the future God would lead us to the correct time to pursue adoption.

The NICU also lead me to become a pediatric nurse practitioner. I wanted to continue to be a part of walking through fragile moments and complex decisions with patients and their families. I was once helped by an amazing team of providers and nurses and I wanted to give that same appreciation and understanding back to my own patients. I decided to decline continuing my learning at Hopkins and applied instead to the #1 program in the United States to become a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner - Duke University. One more leap of faith and another twisted puzzle piece fell into place.

Funny story about my Duke interview…we attempted to drive down to NC for my in person interview in the middle of a Nor’easter- lots of snow and lots of ice. Rob even called his friends on the highway patrol to see if the roads along the way were passable. About an hour down the road, we got the call that the interview was canceled, so we turned around and went home. As we pulled in the driveway and I got a text to switch it to a video/zoom interview. I rushed inside, threw on a nice shirt on top of my sweatpants and had my interview. I will never forget the last words during my interview at Duke: “You were made to become a pediatric nurse practitioner and we are so excited to welcome you to NC!”

We packed up and moved to Raleigh, I began working in a local NICU while completing my Master’s Program at Duke full-time. Rob began a paramilitary police academy to become a local law enforcement officer in Durham. This transition was tough- becoming a police wife was a new identity for me. Watching Rob experience such emotional pain, physical and mental injuries, near death experiences- was brutal. Learning how to support one another during the stress of school, a new city, new friends, and a new police career was overwhelming. Looking back on it now, this time in our lives lead us to lean on God and GROW together. I grew to learn that the opposite of faith is not doubting God’s plan- it is FEAR. Fear of the unknown: will he come home alive today, will I get that phone call…we had specific threats from known gang members he had arrested- will they find our house, will they put a “hit” out on Rob specifically. Just when we both thought we were at our limit, we both reached our breaking point when we experienced the grief of a fellow officer’s suicide. I will never forget the pain in Rob’s voice when he called me to tell me the news. It was at this point in time that we gathered together to learn how to build each other up in our FAITH with God. Rather than doubting his plan in these struggles and being fearful of the unknown, we learned to faithfully accept the treasures and capabilities we had been given. I had the capability to be an amazing nurse practitioner and Rob had the treasure of being an amazing police officer. Our careers do not encompass our entire identity, but they are a puzzle piece in our journey…a puzzle piece that was originally broken. It was broken until we learned to step out in our faith and trust in God’s plan for this puzzle piece in our lives.

Having our own children (Everett and Clara) has been the biggest blessing in our lives. Our children constantly remind me of God’s love for us. These kids are so smart, so unique, and love without question (even though I am a little biased). They do not see color or race or faults in others, they just simply show you unwavering, unfailing, and RELENTLESS LOVE.

Our goal is to show another child this same unwavering, unfailing, and RELENTLESS LOVE. The best lesson for me (so far) in life has been how to pursue my relationship with God through both the easy and hard times. The gospel does not choose to reach out or speak to you only when you are having challenges in life. The gospel is not about self-worth, your good deeds in life, or about how hard you try. The gospel shows us that when we are not worthy, God choose to send his only son for us. By having his son live the life we could not live, die the death on the cross that we deserved, pay the price for sin, and death- we have been provided with unconditional RELENTLESS love. God chooses LOVE- to adopt us as his sons and daughters and to invite us into his family.

I could easily say that it has been my experiences caring for the babies in the NICU or helping children at my current job that has lead me to pursue adoption. However, the real answer is that my past experiences (both good and bad) have lead me to understand God’s RELENTLESS love for me. We are stepping out in faith to provide our unconditional RELENTLESS love to another child and we are SO excited to be on this journey. Thank you all for helping us with this current puzzle piece- we think it’s a pretty good one!